Before kids, I found that hiking in the mountains alone blessed me with coming face to face with Him. Since having my brood, it has been a challenge!
To shed some light on my prayer closet, let me illuminate the background. My house is unlike the library, nobody values silence. My husband appears to be going deaf according to the volume of our TV and his stereo. My last three children were born with higher decibel voices than those of their previous siblings.
When I try to stow away to the bathtub for peace what I receive is the agitation of quarreling children on the other side of the wall. During my expeditions to our restroom, I see little hands poking through the bottom space of our door. In my bedroom, I hear constant knocking followed by, "Mom, can I...?" God knows as much as I crave to hear Him, I just cannot in our house very often. By the time our house is quiet, I fall asleep.
I started getting up earlier, but my husband caught on and thought it meant I want to be harassed by him in the morning or sit and listen to him. I tried to explain my intentions, but to no avail.
Shhh! I have uncovered a secluded zone.
Rarely, I have escaped the madness to drive my minivan all by myself! During those times, I in fact discover God. I spend it wisely, praying to and worshiping God. Eventually, He speaks to me, often in the midst of a worship song. I am encouraged and built up in those intervals.
Recently, frequent doctor appointments have been scheduled. They are my sweet blessings in disguise. I meet with God going to and fro! Driving home yesterday I heard a song that truly ministered to me concerning the inner struggle of yearning to live for God in some moments, but choosing "self" in other moments. May I live unto GOD with every breath!
I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof
And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control
And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof
And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control
And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes
My mother tells me of the time when she had three small children at home. So busy was she caring for us all that she had no time to be alone with God. "The thing that got me through," she tells me, "were hymns. I would rock with a child in my arms singing hymns I had memorized over the years and mull over the depth of truth they offered and bask in my private encounter with God ... child and all." I suppose we each need to find that spot.
ReplyDeleteStan, I sure can relate to your mom! That is a time I used to have quiet time with God, during feeding and soothing the babies. It is incredible how God often ministers to our hearts and minds when we worship Him through song! God is good!
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