The Dance of Romance: Love and Respect in Marriage Part 4

"Ewe who have ears to hear!"

Part 4: "She Who Has Ears to Hear, Let Her Hear!"

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Reflecting on my hubby, may he never feel that way about me! I want him to cherish me. However, I recognize this goal requires he must feel valued by me. He is an individual with different needs than any other man on earth. Therefore, a textbook cannot tell me what only my husband can. “She who has ears to hear, let her hear!”

Some of you have asked me “what questions” I asked my husband. First, I sent him a basic update list that I send to each family member once a year to make sure I am up to date on his or her favorite things. I print out these lists and stick them in my planner. It gives me wonderful information when I am selecting gifts or preparing meals, etc.

Every year I learn something new about each member through these lists. Like this year, for the first time, I found out my husband loves to snack on salted/roasted almonds. I never buy those for him, because I had no idea! He has never mentioned it or bought them in my presence. I also learned that the person I thought all these years was his favorite baseball player is in fact, NOT. While he likes that player a lot, his all time favorite is Johnny Bench! Who would have thought?

Secondly, the inventory of questions I asked my husband is not for young eyes. This email was specifically for him alone. In fact, I titled the email “top secret.” I told him I desired him to be completely honest with me. If he thought something would injure my feelings, I still wanted the truth spoken, perhaps just gently.

1. How do I make you feel “physically” desired and fulfilled?

2. If we had a babysitter lined up and both felt great, what types of things do you wish we could go do together for recreation?

3. What things do you wish I would do just for companionship?

4. What things do you desire me to do to be physically attractive to you?

5. Which things are most important to you, for me to fulfill in our home when it comes to domestic duties?

6. What things can I do to make you feel admired and respected by me?

7. What makes you feel supported by me?

8. What things have I done that made you feel disrespected by me?

After he sent or verbalized his responses (he did both), I had more inquiries for clarification. Once I believed I truly understood what he was revealing, I then spoke it in my own words and sought if this is what he intended. I explained this is of vital importance.

I was confident that I knew how he would answer each of those questions. On the contrary, I found out a lot about him from these questions that not one of the marriage books or older women mentors could have told me. I learned things that were mysteries until he replied.

My guesses were only about one-third correct. I was astonished! Two-thirds of my husband I did not discern even though I considered myself a good listener (and my hubby is a conversationalist). Yet he kept those necessities deep in his heart and I had to search for them and entice them out. I was elated to have this newfound treasury of wisdom and understanding concerning the husband of my prayers.

“Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established;” Proverbs 24:3

Please join us soon for Part 5!

(The Dance of Romance: Love and Respect in Marriage is a multi-part series sharing the challenging lessons I am learning about marriage, respect, love, and romance. My heart's prayer is the Lord may be glorified in my marriage and yours too!)